Blog Post Four
Lately I’ve been thinking less about where I exist and more about how I exist within my own work, specifically, what it means to be both the person behind the camera and the subject in front of it. There’s something kind of uncomfortable about directing your own documentary, because you’re constantly shifting between observer and participant. You’re documenting something real, but you’re also shaping it at the same time.
This tension shows up a lot in what’s called reflexive filmmaking, where the filmmaker doesn’t try to hide their presence. Instead, they make it part of the story. Filmmakers like Agnès Varda really leaned into this idea, especially in films where they appear on screen and acknowledge the process of filming itself.
A really strong example of this is The Beaches of Agnès. In this film, Varda literally builds the documentary around her own life, revisiting places from her past, staging scenes, and reflecting on her memories while being fully visible as both director and subject. It’s not trying to be objective at all. Instead, it embraces the idea that memory is subjective and constructed. The film is basically an autobiographical essay where she mixes personal history, visual experimentation, and self-reflection into one piece. Which is basically the direction I'm going for.
Another example that feels more contemporary is Stories We Tell by Sarah Polley. In this documentary, Polley investigates her own family history, but instead of presenting one clear truth, she shows multiple perspectives and even recreates “home videos” to question what’s real and what’s constructed. The film blends interviews, narration, and staged footage, making it clear that even personal stories are shaped through storytelling choices .
What both of these examples show is that directing yourself isn’t about capturing a pure, untouched version of reality. That doesn’t really exist. It’s about recognizing that you’re always editing yourself, whether consciously or not.
At the same time, there’s a different kind of vulnerability that comes with being your own subject. You can’t fully hide behind the camera. There’s no distance. But that also creates a kind of intimacy that’s hard to achieve otherwise. It feels more immediate, more personal, even if it’s still curated.
I’ve also been thinking about how this plays out in more contemporary formats, especially on platforms like TikTok, where people are constantly directing and performing versions of themselves. The difference is that in a documentary context, that performance becomes more intentional. It’s not just about being seen, it’s about understanding how you’re being seen, and why.
What I’m starting to realize is that directing and being in your own documentary isn’t about resolving that tension, it’s about working within it. It’s about accepting that you’re both the storyteller and the story, and that those roles are always influencing each other.
https://www.documentary.org/column/sarah-polleys-stories-we-tell
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